Living with Depression

Looking in the mirror each and every morning getting ready for work, school, or whatever it maybe. Brushing your teeth to doing your hair looking at yourself seeing all these words your mind puts on your body in big bold letters




Low life


Piece of shit on this world

Never good enough

And the list can go on and on for days filling up your whole body with all these hateful words that your body and mind has put on you through out the years. Then that smile that you first had one your face before you got in the bathroom disappears. Then you have to fake how you feel the rest of the day living the “happy” life when deep down all you want to go home and crawl back in bed and have the world pass you by.


You leave the house to get your day started and get to work with that fake smile. Trying to struggle the happiness to get you through the day of work when deep down all you want to do is break down in the corner of the office and cry.


Honestly living with depression really sucks, and people think it’s easy to let it pass and oh it will just ” go away” but in reality it won’t. It takes hours or even days for these feelings to go away. Because in the end it feels like you are never going to be good enough for anyone in the world. You always feel like people are judging you and all eyes are on you. When in reality you just want to go home in a dark room and cry all your feelings out. Wondering if that cute guy at the store was really checking you out or judging you on how you look. If you were too fat or not pretty enough for him.


This is where the next section of my depression really comes in affect is with society now a days. They have you believing if you are a plus size girl you are considered “ugly” and not good enough for anyone because you aren’t a size 0-5. You have a little tummy on your or thick thighs and society is all like that’s gross you need to lose weight or you need to go home and hide because your ugly. You try to fight that but in reality you are who you are. You could be a bigger girl or other issues and since you aren’t perfect in today’s society your not worth the time and day. And that’s where my depression comes in the most because in the back of my head when I’m attempting to flirt with my crush in the back of my head what’s running through there is …..

Am I pretty enough for him

Am I too fat

What if I’m making a fool out of myself

What if he’s too good for me

Those are some of the major questions that I constantly have going through my head.


In the past I had an ex that would always say that I would never find anyone better than him. And yet I still have yet to find anyone since him because he’s the one who messed me up the most saying that I’m not good enough for anyone else and he’s the only one that will ever love me. He always shot me down and that’s where my depression came in the most to the point I didn’t want to leave him because I was scared of not finding anyone better. But in the end after our break up I did feel relieved after that but in the end I still feel like he’s right that I won’t find anyone better than him, and this is where my depression gets the best of me.


People think depression can just go away in a few minutes but in honest it doesn’t you think It goes away but in reality I’m faking it hardcore to make you stop asking if I’m going to be ok or anything. It’s not easy talking about your depression to anyone because you feel like they’re judging you. You think that society is judging you and if you go to your friends and family then you get the big red flag flashing when you even bring up the word depression to anyone that you know. You would think it’s easy to get help from someone that knows what they’re doing but it’s honestly hard worrying if your insurance is going to cover it, or if you need to go to rehab, or if you need to be put on medication. It’s really not that easy living with depression. They tell you to write down your feelings and you do but when you go back and read past entries all those feelings that you have just fade into one big blob of nothingness. That’s what depression feels like. Feels like your nothing to anyone in the world.


Am I nothing to anyone? Or something to someone?


Alright until next time


Megan S.


Sorry this is a whole lot of jumping around but it feels good to let people know briefly what it’s like living with depression.


Ghosts from the past

Well again readers I am so sorry for not writing in like what seems like forever I just got caught up with my life lately and what my life has thrown at me. And let me tell you it freaking SUCKS! You are probably thinking oh god what is she complaining about now, but if you don’t want to hear it then you might as well leave my page right now.

Let’s start from the beginning well in other words back to 2016. Talked to this guy was one of those online dating things but never met in person and when we did want to meet I always got a bogus excuse or something. Then we went our separate ways in other words we just stopped talking all together because i’m the type of girl that if you aren’t going to at least meet me half way and put in 50% i’m not going to continue to waste my time and effort on something that is never going to happen. Like we would always make plans to hang out and I would get the “Oh I don’t have gas or money” or the famous one ” oh I’m busy with family” if they were excuses or not it’s whatever I guess but every time we attempted to hang out it was excuse and excuse.

So now fast forward to 2018 TWO years later after I threw in the towel and moved on with my life. Now on a different dating site and low and behold I get a message one day and it’s from him, and let me tell you all my feelings from two years ago when I did talk to him was all crashing into me like a hurricane wave. Saying he would never let me leave and he wanted to be with me and all that bullshit excuses.  So now fast forward to a few days later we FINALLY meet in person and everything was just great and everything just felt right in my opinion. Then things start to get weird to the point where its one worded responds and shit like that. Then I bring up the “you said you were not gonna let me slip away” and I get the confused emoji, and he says oh I have a bad memory. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! DO NOT play these childish games ever again we are both going on 30 we both know what we want what the hell is stopping you? It’s like come on grow a fucking pair of balls and act like a man! You know what you want you know what I want. If you push me away again I’m just going to walk away and NEVER and I mean NEVER look back. I’m giving you a second chance and you are already starting to push me away. Is that what you want? Do you want me to walk away again like I did last time? Since I was the one who got away. It’s like seriously what do you want from me already? I’m trying my best but you won’t tell me what you want.

Alright readers I want to hear from you interact with me already what would you do in this position? Would you walk away and never look back? or would you try and work things out?

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until next time readers

Peace and Love


Megan S.

The “rating” Scale

Well this entry is going to be quite interesting in my opinion. I’m going to talk about the good old rating scale on a person. You know when you on a dating site and you have the opposite sex ask you to rate them. One that’s not someone that you ask someone because in the end you are going to get all butt hurt if that person gives you a low ass score. Like what thinks it’s ok to rate someone on their looks.Well F**K I already give myself a low ass score and now that I seen that I’m at like a -1.rateBut If that is a proven fact that makes the girls that already have low self esteem even lower. It goes back to going to a previous entry about how shallow our society is today. Like on TV in magazines or even movies. What type of people do you see on there? “Pretty” people. I mean come on all the guys that you see on TV are like a legit 7 and UP and the women are a solid 10, and I’m over here being a potato being a solid 4 with a good filter and make up. Like our society is so freaking shallow now that everyone wants that super model or celebrity look a like. Isn’t it what’s on the inside that matters? I mean if you really think about it when you both are 80 years old and her tits are down to her knees and your balls are down to the ankles. What’s important? Those looks? Or the personality? It should be what’s on the inside that counts now on the outside. But who am I to judge anyone or anything.


Megan’s Rating Scale for herself:

Personality— 7 on a good day 4 on a bad day

Looks: 4 with the right filters and make up

No I’m not a skinny bimbo that you see in the magazines that don’t know how to eat a sandwich this mama has some meat on her bones, and I make it up with a kick ass personality when you really get to know me. At first the nerves kick in, and I’m shy but after that I’m an open book, and that’s how it should be from deep down inside. Not on the outside because down the road that person that you fell in love with at such a young age those looks change with time.  But alright this rant is over. I think I’m done putting you guys to sleep for now I just wanted to vent and let everyone know my opinion about it all. Next time you ask someone to “rate” you better consider it twice on what that person is going to look like 50 plus years from now.


Megan S.

Dating in the 21st Century

Good Evening my lovely readers hope you all had a fantastic work day! Well let’s get right down to business on tonight’s topic. I’m not sure about you readers but for me this one is about relationships in this day in age. Why it’s so complicated and everything to get a guy/girl today. Let’s just say I will tell you my experiences about everything as well on top of my opinions just remember everyone this is all opinions. Its how I feel about everything going on in this day and age.

So for starters let’s talk about the different types of places you meet that special person. Since technology is a big part of everyone’s lives you can legit meet anyone anywhere. It could be online, on an app, or the old school way of meeting in person. Let’s just say I have no shame but I’ve done each and every one of them. I’ve had hit or misses in each area. I’ve met one person who I was with for almost three years and was the love of my life before we went out separate ways. That one was a good old online dating website. But today you have apps on your cell phone now just for hook ups. Where are the people looking for the real love? Where are the people looking for the real deal? Not a one night stand. No offense but I’m way to gosh darn old for a one night stand, I’m not looking for a hit it and quit it I’m looking for the real deal. Yes I have no shame in saying I have a plenty of fish account, and a meet me account, hell I even have a Tinder account too but in all of them I’m rarely having no luck. Because people now a days only want one thing and one thing only. I swear I’m not meant to live in this day in age I feel like I’m way too old school to even date in this century. I’m 27 years old and I’m not looking for a one night stand or a hook up or even a friends with benefits type deal. Like women do you like to show ur boobs and ass all over the internet in revealing clothes? Does that make you feel better about yourself? Do you like the attention of guys sending you dirty messages in your direct messages telling you what they want to do to you? I have no idea about you but me no way that shit gets deleted in a heart beat. Maybe it’s because my mother raised me to respect myself and not let anyone take advantage of me. Which brings me to my second topic

Let’s say you swipe right on the hottest guy you’ve ever laid eyes on in the world and you two exchange messages for a few days and then set up a date to meet. So you set up a date for that Friday and you are looking so forward to it that you spend almost all day at work planning the perfect outfit combo in your head before you get home and try it on in person to make sure it looks amazing. Then you spend hours and hours on your hair and make up to make yourself feel good about tonight and hoping and praying that this guy will be the one that will NOT bring up any sexual things. So now it’s time to leave to go to your date and your in the car and your now extremely nervous and you drive up town to meet for coffee. You then meet up with your date and you think everything is going perfect with the laughing and talking and getting to know each other and when the dates over, he walks you to your car and then he goes in for that kiss but its not the normal first date kiss its like I want to get in your pants kiss, and you’ve explained to him that you are no looking for a hook up but I guess it didn’t go through his head. You leave and go your separate ways then he keeps trying to contact you about hooking up and until the point where you don’t answer your phone and then he moves on. But today’s society I feel like no one is looking for an actual long term relationship. I feel like everyone is more of a hit it and quit it type person now. With everything that you see on reality TV mostly MTV you see everyone having sex with everyone but back in the early days of the 90s you would never see that or even consider thinking that.

It’s like you do your hardest trying to find that special person that you want to spend your life with shit let me tell you a brief story about my grandmother and how she got my grandfather. My sassy little grandmother after babysitting back in the early days she would go to the bar after and get pick up by her friend and then she would see this very good looking man across the bar aka my grandfather and she would throw him hints and all of that but mostly what she did she was a very determined little thing and always asked him out until he said yes. Then we go a few years later when she got married to him at the age of 18 and spent many many years together and gave birth to 3 boys and then watched her boys grow up and start their families and see where they grew up to be. My grandparents were together for over 50 years before my grandfather passed away. But that everyone is what I’m looking for in life. I want that type of relationship where if we happen to fight we fix shit and get through it. Divorce is not an option in my eyes. Never will be, if you’re pissed at me you walk away and go cool your ass off and then we will discuss it when your back. This day in age its way to easy for people to break up, or get divorced. In my opinion if you marry someone you marry someone for the better and you marry them to spend forever with them. Not just for a temp gig. You fight with someone you work that shit out you don’t go out sleeping around like your single and come back and pretend that nothing happened. You sit and talk things out, if things need to change you talk it out. You don’t just up and leave whenever you want and think that’s ok.

But dating in this day in age honestly in my opinion it freaking sucks! If I felt like swearing I would have swore instead. I’m the type of person that isn’t looking for a friends with benefits, or a hook up. Give me the damn real thing. Give me what my grandparents had. If I could pick a day in age to date and all of that It would honestly be around the time when my grandparents met because if you think about it they all are looking for love and never once considered or even thought about sex when they were looking for there happily ever after. That was all the last thing on the list it was all about finding that person that you want to spend forever with. So people you honestly need to think about it do you really want to be alone forever and just have sex with random people for the rest of your lives or would you want to find your happily ever after and spend forever with that one special person?

Megan S

How do you handle your issues?

Good Evening everyone! It’s been quite some time since I have written and a lot has been keeping me from blogging every once and a while but I decided now that I have a bit of time I’m going to sit and take some time and give you a new entry to read weather you really do or not.  It’s up to you if you want to read or not or if you just scroll right past it to someone else’s blog or you just stop reading after this line. But readers I want to hear from you. I want you to get involved, and interact and talk with me about your issues as well. How well do you handle your issues? How do you cope? How do you take your mind off of everything? Do you keep everything bundled up and just brush it aside and let it go?


Let’s just say after today I needed to vent about everything at work and at home. Let’s just say you know when you have those bad days or those days you just want it to end and never come back. Well that was today. It all started when stupid daylight savings time happened. My body was a bitch and woke me up at 3am instead of my normal time of 4am. Let’s just say that was not how I wanted to start my morning.  Then it took me FOREVER to get ready like longer than usual. I just have no motivation to get ready or get dressed. Then the drive to work was horrible I have about a 45 minute drive to and from work each and every day and it was foggier than shit and you couldn’t see two feet in front of you. Now we are at the point we are at work. I slip and my knee pops so now I’m suffering from the worse knee pain through out the whole day, but do I tell anyone or complain no because I’m a hard worker and I don’t let pain or anything get in the way. Then I’m at work doing my thing and now at this point my customers are being completely rude towards me for no reason we had a big convention in house and people thought it would be ok to check in at 630 in the morning when we were completely sold out the night before, and give you attitude over it. Well standard check in time is at 4pm ma’am we will do our best to get you into your room. Then after getting yelled at by countless people then the managers and co workers start to pick on you to the point where you can’t take it anymore and you lay everything out on the table with your big boss. Well more so wrote a note on how you’ve been feeling lately because she wasn’t in the office. By this time it’s now 2pm and it’s time to go home, and after I clock out I drive home and just sit back and relax and forget about everything and not going to think about my co-workers or work for the next 3 days. Now mind you this I RARELY ever have horrible days, but today was the one that just pushed me over the limits with my guests, and also my co-workers that decided of all days to pick on me.


But do you ever have those moments where you just want to break down and forget about everything? Your body can handle so much stress and emotions before it can break. Well let’s just say today my body was on the point of breaking. But in the end you have to push everything a side and fight through it. How do you fight through your issues? Honestly I’m still in the process of trying to figure that one out myself. Yes I do have a journal that I write everything that I don’t want to post down and put it in my secret hiding spot. But in the end that isn’t enough to release the stress that my body has. I want to hear from you my lovely readers. How do you handle your stress? I’m looking for cheap or free ways to handle stress. I need to rid my life of all this stress. I mean there’s some days where my stress turns into depression and anxiety and those are the WORST combinations ever to have. But again how do I fix those issues I just write down my feelings and then pop in a movie and turn off all the lights and shut my self away from the world until the feeling rolls over. Should I get put on medication? No because I’m not at that point where I want to end my life over it. I just let it run out of my system and I’m back to my normal self again. Does it suck? Oh hell yeah It’s the worst feeling in the world like everyone is against you and the whole world hates you, and you feel like your worthless in everyone’s eyes. You feel like you don’t belong in anyone’s eyes. People sometimes say oh you can just make it go away like that but in reality if you really do suffer from it you can’t just make it go away. Or the famous one I hear most of the time “oh are you faking it” How can you fake something that’s so serious? Explain that one to me? Oh wait here’s another good one Don’t you have to have a doctor tell you that you have depression? In my opinion NO you don’t if you feel upset and down or the point where your heart aches so much you don’t want to do anything or where you just want to lay in bed and no move and lastly feeling like everyone is turning there backs on you and you feel like the world hates you. That my friend is depression.


But again readers I want to hear from you talk to me guys how do you handle all your issues?


Until Next time


Megan S.

Why does society suck?

Good Afternoon readers!

So here is one for you what happened to the people of the world today? When did we become so freaking judgmental and shallow? I mean shit in today’s society every guy wants the “perfect” girl the model types you see in magazines or some girls want that “perfect” on screen movie boyfriend. I mean come on people is this what society has come down to? Judging people?

Perfect girl description:

  • Big boobs
  • perfect skin
  • the right height
  • blonde
  • skinny
  • big butt

Perfect guy description:

  • muscles
  • abs
  • nice butt
  • perfect hair
  • great smile
  • tall

What about us average people? Because I can tell you this i’m by far NOT the perfect girl! I’ve got meat on these bones I’m not skinny what so ever. Blonde hair? nope that is non existence on my head. The right height? nope I’m not 5’5″ I’m a few inches taller. See average Jane.

When did society become so shallow and sickening saying that you have to look like this or you won’t get the perfect relationship or even married. Why is it when you see TV commercials or anything it’s all perfect people? Where do you find these people? or do you just make them up in the labs? NEWS FLASH no one is perfect everyone has flaws in them and then you have society judge them. Like a girl that’s perfect in every way but she has a crooked tooth or stretch marks on her body and men think that’s not attractive. I swear TV and music videos do this to us because when your watching TV or the newest music video you don’t see anyone with flaws. You see that perfect “playboy” girl or that guy that comes right from the beach. Today’s society JUST SUCKS! And please tell me if I’m wrong.

But enough venting about this I want to hear from you readers what are your thoughts on today’s society and “body shaming” on my Facebook page by clicking here.

Until Next time

Megan S

IT was a real treat…..

Image result for Pennywise


Well just this past weekend my best friend and I went to see the famous movie that everyone has been talking about since it’s hit TV commercials… IT and honestly I’m going to lay out everything that I liked and disliked about the movie… I’m going to tell you now if you haven’t seen the movie yet I would advise you to stop reading this now and close out of the window, or you will be reading at your own risk. I don’t want to spoil anything if you haven’t seen the movie yet. That wouldn’t be nice, but if you have read this far you have been warned.
Fun fact: the original IT came out in 1990 and the remake came out in 2017… If you remember from the movie IT comes out of hiding every 27 years…..
Well for starters….. When I was about four or five my cousin and I we’re watching this movie and that is what made me to even this day terrified of clowns. Just something about them freak me out no matter what. Like why you always got to be smiling and shit. ( WARNING will be some mild language) Just the clown in actually both movies from the 1990’s and the 2017 were both creepy as shit! Just the way the actor did everything was perfect the way he played out his role! If I can attempt to find the link to this video I found on Facebook about the original IT and the new one I’m going to post it at the bottom where it’s a side by side version of both movies, and it’s like identical!

see side by side CLICK HERE
I’m honestly so grateful that they kept everything as close as possible! Which is a good thing if you are going to remake I think most everyone from the 90’s favorite horror movie. I mean when I was younger it was a scary ass movie but I still enjoyed it. I honestly think I have the original VHS somewhere in my house. Yes I did say VHS I need to invest in it on DVD.
Another thing that I did enjoy about the movie is that each and every character was perfect in fitting in each and every role and shit, they almost all looked like the original character from the 90’s. LOL for some odd reason my favorite person was Ben. I think that was his name I’m totally drawing a blank right now, but i bet you anything once i finish posting this blog it will come rushing back to me. But just the way all the people acted in their roles and when they picked out each person for the movie they did everything so perfect! The one person that I hated in the whole entire movie was Henry! Like I seriously wanted to like punch him if i could every time he popped up on-screen, but again they did a perfect job finding someone to play that role. I just wonder how much time and practice each and every one of them have to do in order to get into that character. Now don’t get me started on Bill Skarsgard who played Pennywise!Image result for Pennywise He made me even more terrified of clowns after I seen this movie! He did a FANTASTIC job at playing Pennywise. Just the way he looked with all this make up and the way he acted was amazing!
So before I get to caught up in all the characters the one down fall that I HATED with a passion (SPOILER ALERT) was the ending! The ending was just terrible in my opinion! I hated how it just ended when Pennywise was falling down the well and like falling into pieces and blowing away, then the kids do a blood pact and go on their merry ways and it ending with the Chapter 1. They could have honestly done a little better with the ending, because now I’m going to be wondering for however long it takes to see what happens in Chapter 2. That’s if there even is a chapter 2. You never know with movies now a days they could run out of money and just shut it down completely. Just like what happened with the Divergent series. They the last movie but in two parts and there is NO PART TWO! But anyways going back to IT. But there’s so many unanswered questions in a way that I want to know what happened. Like did Billy and Beverly end up together?
What about Ben and Beverly?
who the heck is Mike and what’s his story?
What about Pennywise?
Is he going to come back in 27 years?
Will each person have their own family that Pennywise is going to come after?
What happened to Beverly’s father?
What’s behind Beverly’s father? Like what are his motives?
Oh and here’s a question that I wondered two during the end scene was it true loves Kiss to make Beverly come out of the spell?
I mean shit this list can go on for days I think.
But readers I want to hear from you in the comments below If you have seen the movie Did you like it? What were your thoughts on it? Or you can always comment on my Facebook page as well. I like to get involved in what my readers are thinking about the same topics as well.
Image result for PennywiseDid you like or dislike the movie?
Me there were some moments where I was like they could have done better or what not but from what everyone was making it seem like being super scary and all that it really wasnt that scary at all. It had a great story line besides the unanswered questions and the characters did a fantastic job!
If I could rate movies I would give it a 4 out of 5

But until next time

Megan S.