Depression

de·pres·sion
dəˈpreSH(ə)n/
noun
1.
  1. feelings of severe despondency and dejection.
    “self-doubt creeps in and that swiftly turns to depression”
    2.
    a long and severe recession in an economy or market.
    “the depression in the housing market”

What’s my meaning of depression if you are wondering? Well my meaning is nothing like what the dictionary said.

Megan’s Meaning of Depression:

The meaning of feeling alone and useless in the world. The meaning where no one has your back when you need them the most. Also the meaning of not being wanted anymore. The feeling of being lost in the world or not even existing at all…

That’s my meaning of the word depression, and before you go all Megan what are you doing? Why are you writing all this. NO I’m NOT trying to do the whole 13 reasons why thing. It’s just I have to write down my feelings somehow, and you can choose to keep reading or closing out and going to a different blog.

What started this feeling of being alone and useless in the world? Well it goes as far back as my high school years you can say. Always being bullied by the popular kids, getting picked on, sat on, pretty much just a person living in the shadows. You think that popular person saying hi to you in the halls just to make your day but in the back of your head you are thinking are they truly being nice or are they just saying it to hold up their popularity status? Your trying your hardest to get through the worst four years of your life getting picked on, made fun of because of your looks wether your chubby or not or you have pimples or the list can go on, to being one of the smartest people in the school. People will always pick on you no matter what, and yes I went through that the whole four years of my life, and as I graduated high school I thought it would get better, but it doesn’t

Which brings us a few years later when I try to get into the dating world. Yes my track record for dating isn’t the greatest because all the guys i’ve ever met are complete tool bags. Let’s just say they all suck! Meeting up and leading me on to the point I think i’m actually going to get a relationship with this guy, but in the end they just tear me down to the point where I feel worthless. The excuse I get? I’m not ready for a relationship, It’s not you it’s me, Or my all time favorite that wins the cake. “You are too ugly or fat for my liking.” I’m just tired of always being a let down in everyones eyes. Which brings me to my final section of this blog

Being a big let down in my friends and families eyes. Even though you all don’t say I’m the let down but some of you I’m not going to mention names always try to compare me to my brother or vice versa. Yes he went to an away school after high school, but when I wanted to go to an out of state school you flat out told me no. You told me I had to go to community college or stay in the state. Why does he get the special treatment? Look I’m sorry for being a big negative Nancy in your life, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a let down in your eyes and not going places. Lastly friend wise whether it’s at work or out of work friends. I just feel like I’m a disappointment to you as well, and always have the fear of always being talked to behind my back and not wanting to be around me anymore. Am I really that bad of a friend? or Daughter/Sister?

Honestly is it even worth being around people anymore knowing in the back of your mind your playing all these scenarios of which is worse? Where do I go from here? Do I keep playing this game and acting like I’m ok? Or do I go and get help for it?

 

Megan S.

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Drifting Away

This one is targeted towards one person in general. He’s been there for me since he was born. We’re 6 years apart and we’re blood related. Yes he’s my brother. I know I shouldn’t be writing about my brother but this is how I can spill out my feelings. Yes you can judge me or whatever you want but I just want to pour my feelings out.

When we were growing up through out our childhood and early and middle teen years we’re were super close we had our moments where we wanted to rip each others throats out. But in the end we still would make up at the end of the day and laugh about it in the end. We would fight over stupid shit or that whole don’t tell mom type thing but once of us would rat on each other. When we could we used to do everything together from going out to eat, to having a movie night, to hanging out with friends and going bowling, But as we grew up we started to drift away. I noticed it the most when you went away to college. Yes I’m proud of you baby brother but I miss the baby brother who would hang out with his sister on a Friday night and do whatever even if it was teaching me how to play your stupid call of duty games.

We grow up and I guess we just drift apart I have a full time job, You are down at school and having a special lady in your life. I feel like at this point in my time and life you don’t want anything to do with your sister the most. You call mom and dad every once and a while but you never seem to reach out to me. Whenever your home from school you always have plans or other things going on and always push me back to the back burner. Honestly it really hurts me a lot little brother. You think it doesn’t really brother me but there are times where i cry because i feel like you don’t want to have a sibling anymore. We used to be so close what happened down the road? Yes I have to admit I was a bitch to you sometimes and now that I’m older and see what kind of shit I put you through in the past. I’m sorry for that truly sorry for that. I just want us to go back to the way we used to be with being super close siblings. Everyone always asks us when we were younger. Why are you guys so close. My responds because he’s my baby brother and family sticks together. No matter what family sticks together. But little brother I feel like our stickyness is falling apart and out of the way. What happened to use? Soon you are going to realize once I move away or whatever the case maybe you won’t have your big sister around anymore? Would you even care in the end? I’m sorry for being the over protective sister but isn’t that what big siblings do? Protect their younger siblings? Little brother just remember I’m always here for you even if I’m a million miles away. If you are ever in trouble I’m there for you even if I’m a million miles away! I will always be there for you little brother. Just please stop pushing me aside to the back burner all the time. You think it doesn’t hurt me but in the end it KILLS me deep down inside!!

Megan S.

Why?

Sorry it’s been so long since i’ve last written readers. But a lot has gone on in my life to even keep up with everything from a job to my relationships to my friends as well. But this post is going to be mostly about my relationships past present and future.

This topic is going to be the main topic of all, and i’m going to tell you now this is going to be making a lot of jump arounds so bare with me to please.

But here it goes. I know women probably do this but I see it with all the men i’ve always been interest in. Why? Why do you like to lead the woman on so much to the point she is falling for you hard core to just kicking her to the curb like yesterdays trash? Someone please explain that to me. So here’s the little background story. Remember that guy I was always talking about? We’ll after my birthday back in February he was starting to act weird and then just one day he just up and stopped talking to me all together. Again he made me fall head over heels for him to the point I thought we were a thing to getting slapped in the face hardcore and leaving with a broken heart.

Shit i’m only 27 years old, and I’ve gone through way too many heartbreaks I can even handle. I mean yes I know it sucks that i wear my heart on my sleeve a lot and my heart gets broken a lot easier, but when i’m talking to you i see potential in you. I don’t want you to be around for a short time I see you in my future for like ever. I’ve tried everything from online dating to blind dates and even trying to date a co worker and it’s always slapped me in the face. I mean i’m 27 years old and i’m at the point in my life we’re i’m legit ready to throw in the towel and say peace out men of the world you all suck and can go fuck yourself.

It’s like I bend over backwards to try to impress you wether it’s putting on a new outfit or even attempting to do my make up just to impress you to make you want me but in the end it’s like karma or whoever is in charge of my love life is like nope not today Megan.   ” You don’t deserve your happiness today.” It’s like I try my hardest to do anything and it never works out that way. They always walk away and i’m left in the dark with a shattered heart. My heart can take so many heartbreaks before its broken for good, and at my age i’m at that limit where i’m about ready to tell y’all to go fuck off. It’s like sorry i’m not pretty enough for you or have that skinny body or nice butt, or even a cute face. But it should matter what’s on the inside the most rather than the outside because in the end we all get old and we all get wrinkles.

Like i feel like i shouldn’t even be born in this era. Now a days everyone is all about hooking up and just getting laid and having fun. Not me I’m looking for that real deal. I know it may not be a happily ever after or you may not be my prince charming but in the end I the type of girl that will always be by your side through thick and thin. I’m the type of girl that doesn’t believe in divorce of any of that shit. We fight you go walk your happy ass around the block and cool off and then we’ll talk. I mean come on whats the whole point of hooking up just to see how many dicks or whatever you may want. Whats the whole point? Someone please explain that to me please!

I may not be the prettiest girl in the world but i’m the type of girl that will be by your side through night and day holding your hand. I’m the girl that has the biggest heart and wears it on her sleeve and puts people she cares about the most before anything. Shes the girl that will do almost anything she can to make someone smile or laugh. I mean crap I’m a real catch in my option, but in society’s eyes I feel like a loser sometimes…. But I guess we shall wait and see what the future is going to throw at me next?

Megan S.

How long??

Alright ladies, and well gentlemen to you can read along to this I just have some questions to ask you and my thoughts on my own questions, as well. As you seen in my previous blog I’ve been seeing someone, have been for almost 3 months now but it’s like we’re dating but without the title you know so eh that part doesn’t matter. I mean I will give you some of the questions I want to ask you readers and I want to hear your thoughts on them, also I’ll give you my thoughts on them as well.

So Question…. #1: How long before you farted in front of you other half? Well for me…… If you know me very well I fart all the time there’s no lie there you can ask my best friends about that, BUT when it comes to that other half that I’m just starting off “dating” or whatever the case maybe. SHIT I’m going to hold that sucker in!! Or I’ll like leave the room or if we’re at the store walk row or two away just so you won’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know it’s like why is it when your with that person for the first few months you for the life of you CAN’T fart?! It’s like the WORST feeling in the world! Shoot I mean I can go on and on about this for hours I feel like so we will just move along….

Question #2…. How long before you took a poop anywhere near the other half? Again going into 3 months and I have still yet pooped in the same house as the guy! The few times I’ve spent the night or even gone over to his house for movie night nope I REFUSE to poop! I mean the first time I spent the night with him it was New Year’s Eve the condo had 2 bathrooms but for the life of me I couldn’t take a shit, and speaking of poop last night I was again spending the night at his house and it was also my mother’s birthday so we were on our way to go to her birthday party and I was like oh yes I can poop at this place and we get there and I for the life of me couldn’t poop because he was in the same building as me, so not only am I holding this in until I get to work the next day at 6am! It’s at the point where its just getting horribly painful! And speaking of this one of my co-workers and I we’re having this convo today as well about how she’s been with her boyfriend for crap years, and she still can’t poop in front of him! So now I don’t feel like awkward that I’m the only one that does that.

Question #3….Well there honestly really isn’t a question number 3 really those we’re the two major ones that I really wanted to talk about honestly. I want to hear from you my lovely readers on how long it took you to do any of those! Heck with my last relationship I didn’t do those things in front of him at all, but the person before I did it right away. I guess it’s just who your more comfy with, and who’s going to take it as a joke or who’s going to take it serious you know. It’s honestly hard to read people sometimes when you barely know them or they’re wearing a mask and hiding behind it. It’s like damnit I want honest and fuck it fart in front of me I don’t care I’d probably laugh more than anything! You wanna take that shit! GO RIGHT A HEAD! Let it drop! Just make sure you light a candle or spray, I don’t want to smell that nasty stuff. But readers I want to hear from you in the comments below or on my Facebook page by clicking here

Until Next Time

Megan S.

Why does being shy suck so much?

Yep I’m just going to be flat out and honest I am the most shy person ever if you don’t know me all that well. Yeah you would think wow Megan shy? that’s impossible, but nope its totally possible. It’s like when you meet someone for the first time it’s going through your head are you talking to much? too little? is there something wrong? what’s he/she thinking? And here is the classic. OMG?! Do I stink?!

Alright but moving on why does being shy suck so much?! It’s like here’s my theory and yes I will be talking about my life right now ( yeah i know readers you guys are probably like shut the heck up about your life we don’t want to hear it) but it’s the easiest way to connect with you guys honestly and how you guys can possibly relate to me in any way shape or form. So here it goes readers This guy that I mentioned in the past posts we’re gonna call him C again. We’ve been I guess you can say “seeing” each other for almost two months now and yet NO ONE has made a move to be like hey lets make us official. It’s like oh come on now! Your killing me smallz! Like here is where my shy part kicks in. It’s like I’m way to shy to be like HELLO!? Here I am can you just like make me official now?! It’s like I keep throwing out little hints and stuff around and yet he just doesn’t see it I feel like. Again my Co-Workers and Friends are all like be the bigger person and hold your ground and it’s like I want to be the bigger person, but I also want to know what we are. Again it’s like we act like a couple and all that stuff but with out the title. Does he just assume that we’re together?

 

But this is where I need your help readers. What should I do? I’m taking all the advice I can use?! I want to hear from you guys in the comments below or on my facebook page by clicking here.

 

Until Next Time

 

Megan S.

Cosmo moves

Alright ladies this one is mainly towards you! So I was in line at Walmart with this guy i’m seeing and while we waited for our turn to get checked out I picked up the latest issue of Cosmo, and the cover caught my attention it went along the lines of “new moves to spice of your sex life” So me being the person I am and curious I flip to that section in the magazine and i’m thinking to myself just looking at their little cartoon pictures… HOW IN THE WORLD does someone get their leg up that high? or something like is that going to cause me a foot cramp or leg cramp and god forbid cant forget the famous Charlie horses. Alright and to for warn you guys YES i will be sharing pictures from the Cosmo website!

 

So here is pict3-standingoure number one that I found on the Cosmo Website, and its like 1. I’m not a skinny girl like her in the picture this woman that is writing to you all right now has some meat on these bones. 2. how the hell does this girl get her leg up so high? Shit if that we’re me I’d be all like LEG CRAMP! STOP STOP STOP! Instead of YES YES YES GO GO GO! I mean like I said don’t get me wrong i’m all for new positions to spice up my love life and it’s like in the end when i’m reading Cosmo its like… well is this really worth the pain?

 

So according to Cosmo this one to the right is called bumper cars? 5-bumpercarsAgain in my mind…WHY?! How does this turn you on? And again this one is made for a skinny person, again I’ve got some meat on me bones! I don’t think even if the guy i’m with and I tried hard enough we could pull this off. First of all it looks complicated and second I would probably just bust out laughing the whole time. It’s another one of those silly positions that gets you wondering how or why did someone come up with this in the fist place. Honestly this picture right here is making me laugh a bit at how funny this position looks like. 

 

Ok so there is really nothing wrong with this position but as I was scrolling through all the Cosmo stuff about sex on their website. One thing never to have in bed with you is a freaking ANIMAL! That is just2-tightend-1481728559 freaking awkward. I’m only putting a show on for you not for your animals or anything either. My option if we’re having sex animals are outside the bedroom! I’ve heard stories about people getting their groove on and next thing they know the dog or cat ruins it by jumping on the bed and all that. It’s like uhm no thank you not into that at all. But going back to this picture minus the dog/cat whatever that black thing is. There really is nothing wrong with this position at all. You just have to find the right fit and its perfect and makes both your times pleasureable. 

Alright and the last one I will do before I get to into this and scare you off readers. This one why just why? The poor girl looks like a freaking sandwich and no offense guys5-upsidedowncake-1479261393 I don’t want your ass or your balls in my face while your getting it in. That’s just yucky! I mean granted it does look like it does the job right but just the idea of having your guys ass in your face is kinda freaking me out. I mean crap what if he just lets one rip during sex and tries to hide it. Well sweetheart in this position you can’t hide that hell i’d probably end up tasting that shit! I mean granted the girl can have her revenge on that as well but my goodness just looking at this is making my body cramp up like no other. I can see it now STOP!? (insert guys name) I HAVE A CHARLIE HORSE ON MY CALF!  Also it does look like it works out the abs but my god! It just looks so freaking painful! Like i’m really like all I don’t even know the right word to use right now about this position. 

But anyways moving on if you want to spice up your sex life Click here to be directed to the Cosmo page and find all these crazy sex positions. 

But readers I also want to hear from you about your Charlie embarrassing moments in the bedroom, to the positions you use as well. I want to interact with you guys! Leave me comments below or check out my Facebook page and leave your feedback here as well. 

until next time

Megan S. 

 

 

 

 

It’s been too long….

Holy CRAP it’s been way too long since I’ve even seen my blog! I’m so SORRY readers you probably thought I went missing or something! Wow no not true just have been super busy with reality! So instead of going on and on about my personal life lets just get right to the point. Today’s topic… (drum roll please)

How you know you found the right one!

Ok so true life scenario going on right about now well in my life at least. I’ll sum it up the best I can without boring you guys! Don’t want to bore any of you guys since it’s been way too long since I’ve written. 

Made a POF account ( yeah i know online dating)  Not like face to face met anyone but talked to some pretty sick people who only wanted one thing and one thing only and HELLO thats not me! Its like (DO NOT message me about sending nudies or anything of that NOT happening.) anyways going back to my short story right now. Messaged this really cute guy and didn’t think that he would message me back but low and behold he did. Talked for a few days and then he was like we should meet up for dinner, so I was like sure why not. The day dinner happened I was SO NERVOUS I wanted to cancel but my brother and my friend were like you better not cancel. So I went to dinner with him and after that we’re still in the process of writing history. 

so now fast forwarding to a month and a half now and this guy and I are still I guess you can say “dating” but not the official title of Boyfriend/Girlfriend yet. So this readers is where I NEED YOUR HELP. Do I be the bigger person and go to him and be Yo what are we?

Because all of my Co-Workers and Friends are all telling me to be the bigger person and wait and let him ask you out and make him work for it. It’s like HELLO he has been working for it for the past month. It’s like we act like a couple without the title I guess you can say. We hold hands, We kiss, We cuddle and all that stuff and we’re not together but we act like it. I’ve met his family, and even get invited to all these social events that him and his family throw. So readers this is where I need your input on all of this. Should I just go to him and be like Hey your like mine and I don’t want to share you with anyone else. 

But here let me give you a list of all the things I really like about this guy!

  1. We text constantly
  2. I’ve met his mom and dad first 
  3. His mom and dad ask about me and said to him that they like me
  4. I get along with his complicated brothers
  5. We see each other as much as possible
  6. He tells me he likes me
  7. He met my friends on New Years Eve and they approve
  8. I’ve spent the night at his house
  9. We kiss constantly when we’re together
  10. We act like a couple
  11. Hes sweet and caring
  12. He’s easy going
  13. He knows how to make a girl smile
  14. He knows what im thinking most days( kinda scary i know) 

And the list can go on and on about him

And the list can honestly go on and on for days it feels like it. The last time I ever felt like this because of someone was a few years ago when I was dating this kid named well we’re not going to give a name but we will just call him D and the guy that I’m currently seeing now we’ll just call him C but the guy in between D and C never gave me butterflies like those two guys did/do! I mean shoot C knows how to make me smile when I’m like super upset just like this past Sunday! Its just the way that person hugs you and tries to make you smiles just makes you feel pretty good about yourself.

Anyways going back to the topic that I was going to talk about. How do you know you found the right one? You honestly DON’T know until it hits you in the face. Heck it can be like a connection at first sight to months down the road it just depends on different people and it also depends on how you connect with that person. I mean crap when I met C for the first time our first date he came to my town and we went to dinner and it was honestly NERVE wrecking! I was getting so nervous i was making myself sick, and now that i’m writing this blog right now i’m thinking what if i did cancel on him? where would i be today as of right now? I mean I can honestly say that i am truly happy that i did meet him. He knows how to make me smile laugh and make me feel wanted and liked. Just the way he looks at me I know deep down he truly does like me. 

Ok again going back to the topic how do you know you found the right one? It honestly is all in the heart. Your heart knows what you want and you should ALWAYS listen to it. Even though sometimes it can be wrong but in the end it truly knows what it wants. It’s just like that one song from back in the day called Listen to your heart! Good song by the way but again you should always listen to your heart. If its a fight between your head and your heart. DO NOT EVER LISTEN TO YOUR HEAD! I’ve done that in the past and it was the BIGGEST mistake of my life! I’m glad I’m where I am in life right now and with the people i care about the most in it! 

But enough about me, I want to hear from you my readers about your experience on online dating, real life first dates, and the works and tips and tricks! I want to interact with all of you my lovely readers on everything! Comment below about your experiences or even visit my facebook page by clicking here and leaving me a comment!

UNTIL NEXT TIME

MEGAN S.